Love Not Fear   9 comments

What follows is my contribution to #BoycottAutismSpeaks flash blog, #LoveNotFear. It is sparse. I wanted it to be more because I believe in this effort. I believe the rhetoric of tragedy and the push to fix what is not broken hurts the connection between children and their parents, and that breaks my heart.
However, I could not bring myself to write of how my life has changed so dramatically in the last four years. It is a beautiful thing, but some stories are not ready to be told.

I am safe now. I am safe.
Some days, I need to remind myself over and over. It becomes a mantra. I have to remind myself.
Some days I forget. Some days I just cannot believe.
Fear kept me alive for the over forty years I lived as a disposable human.

The fiction that I was less than human crumbled when I was faced with my own neurodiverse children. They are wonders. They are art. They are so fully human that it fills me with awe and sets my heart on fire. I never felt fear or disappointment in their deviance from some mythic norm. They are precisely as they should be. Yet, I see myself in them, and for forty plus years, I heard nothing but how I am damaged, defective, less than. I could not apply the corollary to these loves of mine. I have always, and will always love, accept, and treasure exactly who they are. I could live no other way, even in the absence of anyone who loved and accepted me. Love outweighed my life experience.

Posted February 13, 2014 by itsbridgetsword in autism, autistic families

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9 responses to “Love Not Fear

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  1. I’ve watched your posts over the months. THANK YOU for expressing so well how our neurodiverse children are “wonders, art, and so fully human.” Thanks for speaking out against the “mythic norm.” Our kids are “precisely as they should be.” Jeff

  2. Love and more love. So much love.

  3. Beautifully written. It is sad that we have to go through being told we are broken, less-than, sometimes being told we are nothing. I’m so happy you have your beautiful family. Love is an amazing healing balm.

  4. Thank you, Bridget. Always and over and over again. <3

  5. Pingback: Love Not Fear | It’s Bridget’s Word | Love Not Fear Flash Blog

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