Archive for the ‘#BoycottAutismSpeaks’ Tag

Love Not Fear   9 comments

What follows is my contribution to #BoycottAutismSpeaks flash blog, #LoveNotFear. It is sparse. I wanted it to be more because I believe in this effort. I believe the rhetoric of tragedy and the push to fix what is not broken hurts the connection between children and their parents, and that breaks my heart.
However, I could not bring myself to write of how my life has changed so dramatically in the last four years. It is a beautiful thing, but some stories are not ready to be told.

I am safe now. I am safe.
Some days, I need to remind myself over and over. It becomes a mantra. I have to remind myself.
Some days I forget. Some days I just cannot believe.
Fear kept me alive for the over forty years I lived as a disposable human.

The fiction that I was less than human crumbled when I was faced with my own neurodiverse children. They are wonders. They are art. They are so fully human that it fills me with awe and sets my heart on fire. I never felt fear or disappointment in their deviance from some mythic norm. They are precisely as they should be. Yet, I see myself in them, and for forty plus years, I heard nothing but how I am damaged, defective, less than. I could not apply the corollary to these loves of mine. I have always, and will always love, accept, and treasure exactly who they are. I could live no other way, even in the absence of anyone who loved and accepted me. Love outweighed my life experience.

Posted February 13, 2014 by itsbridgetsword in autism, autistic families

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Why I stand with #BoycottAutismSpeaks   2 comments

What if someone made a compilation of your most vulnerable moments?

What if there was a running, public tally of your flaws and mistakes?

What if they told you that collection of fragile moments, flaws, and mistakes was all you were?

What if your needs, wants, and desires were judged solely on whether they were palatable to others?

What if you were treated as a set of behaviors with no intrinsic worth of your own?

It would hurt.

Posted December 9, 2013 by itsbridgetsword in Uncategorized

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